canada goose parka designer

Asealin says:

All corrections in ( )
After hanging up i (capital I) sprint upstairs and change those (those doesn’t sound correct..perhaps ’the’) dreadful clothes I’ve been wearing and put on something decent (add comma or end sentence) i(capital I) (perhaps add a transition like “next” or “then”) go to the bathroom and splash some water on my face scrubbing all the old make up off, dry it and apply some lip balm and blush for my cheeks (transition perhaps “since” or add comma or break in some way) i’m(capital I) not really much of a fan for makeup i (capital I) just use the basic.(pural “basics”) (transition?) Running down stairs i(capital I) grab my bag and keys and slip out the house. (maybe a new paragraph since you change subject)
I’m very careful closing the front door (“since”?) I’ve always been sort of paranoid that’s (“that’s” doesn’t make much, perhaps “which is”) probably why my parents decided it was best for us to move out of this town and go to Montana in the U.S. (transition, changes subject too quick..in us then forced to leave friends) I was forced to leave my friends and close one’s behind. After all these years i(capital I) still talk to my best friend Angela, we used to go to the same middle school together we used to sit on (Word choice: in) the back of the classroom in miss Gilbert’s room talking about this cute boy named Tyler that sat in front of us, we were all almost the same age (comma) Tyler and I were twelve Angela was eleven. (perhaps new paragraph)
After four years living in Montana my father past away (comma)it took my mom a couple a months to recover because she know (knows) we needed her now more than anything but (capital I) i stile (spelling error: “still“) belive that my father is among us watching us from above protecting me (comma or perhaps: “and that..”) I’ll always have him in my heart (comma) i(capital I) love him.(space) (perhaps new paragraph)
Shortly after that we moved back to Hearst, Canada where most of my family lived, we still had the same house in a small town (fix doesn’t make much sense in this sentence) they have told me that strange things happened here while we were gone things have changed and people have moved but i (capital I) can’t imagine it changed it doesn’t seem like it.
(this doesn’t make sense since you never said where you were now and what you were doing) [What was that?!] (inner thoughts should be in italics) my heart starts racing and my hands harden ready to strike what ever it is. Looking in every direction breathing heavy.(space)Nothing. I paise (? What word ?) faster [Clam down probably it was just a bird or cat] (italics) (you sould all “I”) Decide (You just did or you “decided to”) to take a shortcut to the store (perhaps “which is…“) probably not a good idea because it’s thru the woods(comma) not my best choice but if I(capital I) run fast enough no one would be able to catch me. So i (capital I) start to run struggling to find my balance (transition like and) i (capital I) feel the sensation that someone is watching me (italics inner toughts) damn! damn! damn! i(capital I) slow my stride and stop “Okay whoever you are show yourself!”
-silence- (maybe incorperate into the sentence like: but there was no reply.)
“Coward!”
I keep on running and i(capital I) glance at my side and realize someone is running with me about a mile away (consitancy: how can you see someone a mile away in a forest full of trees? ) and i (capital I) come to a halt. “Who are you?” (capital ‘T”) the person come (comes or came) from the tree behind me, I(capital I) turn to confront him (inner thoughts italics) Oh my god! “Crimson eyes(add comma here)” (i capital I) whisper to my surprise. He is pale but shinning from the sun beaming straight at him(add comma or perhaps drop “from above” because it’s kinda obvious the sun is above us”) from above he’s tall about 6.5″ wearing a big black jacket with a white top inside and black jeans dark, brown hair, with a built body, and full lips that have a agonizing smile(period to end sentence)
“The question is who are you beautiful.” (if another person speaks create a new paragraph)
Best I could do.

chrlssho says:

Oh, Brenda, that’s just too damn long. The meaning comes across but the text is full of punctuation errors. You don’t have enough full stops for one thing, and your sentences go on and on and on.
Still, maybe someone will help you. Good luck.
.